They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Holy shit dude........stairs
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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