pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Less talking, more tequila
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
