I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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