She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
