Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
