I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
