You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
