Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
