Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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