The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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