definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I would fuck him just for his dog
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize