It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
