he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
