i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i dont even know how to be here
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
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