well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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