I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
