I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
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