i just wanna soil my oats bro
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
