Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
