some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize