Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
