Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
How many fucks given?
0.12846
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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