my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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