why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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