I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
