Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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