I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
