fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
