he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
