and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
