No period for spring break; use this wisely.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
