He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
