I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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