I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
