i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
