BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
