I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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