I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Boobs speak an international language.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
