Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
