Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
