I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize