You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
