I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
