I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
