Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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