His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
