I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
