why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Randomize
