Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
