The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
