I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
