You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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