i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
