my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
