don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
