Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I currently don't understand fingers.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
