Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
