and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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