i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
