What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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