I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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