Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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