Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
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