Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Randomize
