Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
