Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Randomize
