Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
